You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.
Es bien curioso como el tiempo pasa, y hay cosas que uno está destinado a probar, y otras parecen que nunca van a llegar. Hace unos años me recomendaron que fuera a un restaurante, “El Embarcadero” me platicaron de sus platillos, y de su atención. Por como lo platicaron, parecía que mi vida no iba a ser la misma después de comer ahí. No le di tanta importancia y así como muchas cosas que tengo pendientes, mi espíritu procrastinador lo fue aplazando. Un día llegó una amiga de Mexicali, y como todo buen turista cachanilla, quiso acabarse todo el pescado y marisco de este puerto. Recordé la recomendación de este restaurante y la invité. Por fin iba a conocer el famoso Embarcadero. Bad Luck Me: Estaba cerrado. Otro día será, pensé. Al poco tiempo me enteré que ya habían cerrado definitivamente, y que por ende, mi vida ya nunca iba a tener la luz de ese ceviche. Devastadora noticia.


Un sábado de Junio la vida vino a darme una sorpresa, una segunda oportunidad, de esas que no hay muchas. La cocina de este restaurante había revivido en forma de un Foodtruck color rosa mírameahuevo, era su segunda aparición, fue a ofrecer sus platillos a Santos en el Pacífico, un bar hipstersón del que les hablaré después.
Tómame una foto así, como que no me doy cuenta.


Recuerdo que llegué tarde, con mucha hambre, había invitado a la reina de la garnacha, pero prefirió ir a conocer a su nuevo sobrino. Prioridades. Cuando llegué, Adriana y Carlos Nava me recibieron con la felicidad de quien recibe a su último comensal. Solo les quedaba para un par de tacos y una tostada del mejor ceviche de Ensenada. Sí, así, con esa seguridad lo digo. Y no me malinterpreten, que nombre a este como el mejor ceviche de Ensenada no quiere decir que no haya otros de una calidad increíble y que son capaces de hacerlos felices a ustedes y a su exigente paladar, pero éste ceviche a mí me gustó un chingo, y ya, si quieren debatir, con mucho gusto acepto invitaciones a comer.

Lo describo: Es un ceviche de jurel, en cuadritos. Tiene además pepino, aguacate, cebolla morada, cilantro, pera (sí, pera, ¿qué loco no?) y un toque de jengibre. El secreto no son los ingredientes, sería ingenuo pensar en que después de leer este blog, usted va a poder hacer algo similar a lo que hace Carlos, nunca. Créanme que ya lo he intentado.

Te extraño, cevichemiamor.

Fue un romance que duró muchos meses, donde se ponían ellos, llegaba yo, temprano, no vaya a ser que me quede sin mi tostada. Hasta que un día, la desgarradora noticia de la venta del Foodtruck llegó a mí. Volví a sentir ese vacío, y esta vez más grande que cuando se cerró el embarcadero.

 Pero el día de ayer, gracias a la Cervecería Aguamala, volví a encontrarme con Carlos y Adriana. Aunque extrañé ver el llamativo camioncito del que salían toda clase de platillos, “los chatos” volvieron con todo el chocolate. No comí mucho, para ser sincero ni siquiera tenía hambre. Pero un gordo que se respeta no puede dejar pasar la oportunidad de echarle algo de cochi al cuerpo. Y que buena decisión tomé. No hay un placer tan sencillo que requiera tantas horas de preparación como una torta de Boston butt. Toma casi doce horas para ahumar este corte, este lento proceso le da sabores, texturas, y aromas que de ninguna otra forma se podrían conseguir. Cuando está lista la carne, pones una buena ración en un simple pedazo de pan tostado, le embarras algo de BBQ, no mucho, le echas encima un poco de ensalada de repollo y al momento de cerrar la torta, te das cuenta de que los ingredientes están juntos, y toda una caravana de sabores están listos para llevarte a disfrutar una combinación hecha por los mismos dioses del puerco ahumado.

Si eso no es el secreto de la felicidad, no sé lo que sea.

Nada me gustaría más que esto fuera más que un evento aislado, que fuera un lugar al que ustedes y yo pudiéramos ir, sentarnos, dejarnos llevar por los platillos que te llevan por un mar de sabores en las presentaciones más sencillas. Pero la vida no es tan fácil, y Carlos y Adriana seguramente tienen otras cosas que hacer. Pero espero que pronto nos puedan dar otra alegría y aparecerse por ahí, ya vimos que con o sin Foodtruck, en forma de ceviche, de mole, de pulled pork o de un taquito de cochinita, “los chatos” tienen todavía mucho que ofrecer.